Waiting on shooting stars… Back to my rambles

Hello blog!!

I am afraid even to look back to see when my last post was! I feel like it’s been ages since I’ve even considered posting here and, you know what? That’s okay. I wasn’t well. I haven’t been well physically or mentally for a little while and now I am feeling alright despite a slight headache and I’m going to celebrate! With a blog post! Yay!

Usually I post on Fridays, but hey! I’m home alone today and I have nothing else to do and this blog does deserve a little added explanation as to why I’ve neglected it so long.

 

For the sake of this post making sense, I’ll explain slightly what happened to me for, what, a month? More? I feel like I’ve explained it a thousand times already but, essentially, I’ve been without wifi and a phone for around a month now, I think more than that even? The reasons for this  involve a kaput cellphone battery and slow internet access. A lot more has went into it and I’ve had periods of being able to use others’ phone hotspots and wifi from other locations (I even had a back-up phone for awhile, but it kinda wimped out on me too, haha!) but for the most part I’ve been without access to social media and blogging and most difficult for me, my best friends.

On top of that, my situation right now makes it so I cannot really leave the house, at least not independently. I don’t have a car or a license and I don’t have any friends that could come and pick me up. Even if I did, my house is far away and out of the way so I don’t think they’d even want to. My family is fairly large and very loud and overwhelming and I’ve just been stuck here without anything to really do except watch and re-watch DVDS and clean.

 

Ah, that sounds like a pity party. It’s not supposed to be a pity party. I’ve been safe and have had plenty of food and sometimes my siblings are great. And I am grateful. The reason I’m explaining this to you is because I want to be honest. I haven’t been well! I haven’t been well at all. Mentally, I’ve been enormously overwhelmed. There were moments in the last few weeks when I just had no idea what to do with myself anymore. Existing itself had become … well, tortuous.

Again, not a pity party! I know I’m not the only one with mental health issues.

 

I talk a lot about optimism. On social media and in life in general. The honest truth is, I am not always happy. In fact, happy is so hard. I never want you to get the idea about me that because I post about optimism or sunshine or goodness or dogs, I am happy. That would be so far from the truth it’s almost laughable. Optimism does not equal happiness!

Naturally, I am not happy. Naturally, I am a nervous, fretful person with social issues and a tinge of depersonalization. Eep. But I’m also a Christian! And my decision to choose optimism has everything to do with that fact.

Optimism doesn’t mean I get to front with a protective barrier of fluffy kittens. Optimism doesn’t mean I get to lie to you that everything’s okay. Optimism only means that I know deep inside that I have a hope and a reason to go on and that I am going to hold on to that fact and do my very best to live it out.

 

The past several weeks have not been good to me. My current mental situation makes me feel very isolated and detached from reality and so being away from good friends and other little things that ground me, I found myself holding on to the smallest things to give me hope and get me through. I remember specifically: watching You’ve Got Mail (the only movie I had downloaded on my laptop and available to watch, but then I just sort of got obsessed with it and it became a comfort), whenever we would buy Cheez-Its because for some reason Cheetos are bomb-diggity to me now though I used to hate them… ooh! and especially a very particular NASA hat I had ordered online.

This hat’s arrival date, for some reason, kept getting pushed weeks later and later until eventually I had to stop living in denial and realize that it had been lost in the mail. I ended up getting a free-2-day-delivery-included refund and after that it, came right away, but somehow the waiting for this hat became a tiny reason to keep moving forward. For some reason, the waiting was the lovely part. The waiting was the tiny bit of hope in all this darkness my brain was going through.

 

And now, sitting here looking back, I feel like a thousand supernovas are exploding in my heart. Because it was so hard, but somehow it was so beautiful too. The name of Jesus was ever-present on my lips because the name of Jesus and a NASA hat were the only good things I could remember.

Today I have one NASA hat and one new cell phone and a brain-full of hopeful things on the horizon. I am done waiting for some things, enough that I am provided for and quite happy, but I know the waiting isn’t over. On a grander scale, there is a lot of waiting left to do yet.

Somehow, through all this waiting, we have to cling to something. The sky is dark now, but while we’re waiting on the sun to rise, let’s look for shooting stars.

 

God is going to keep blessing you. It may not be in the way that you hope or expect, but He loves you and He is never going to stop blessing you. Look for the joy. Look for little tiny pieces of optimism. Look to the sky and you will see shooting stars.

Thoughts… June 2nd, 2017

10:58 PM ~

Remembering it’s Friday. Remembering I post on Fridays. Determination, because I want to keep my writerly promises.

10:59 PM ~

Thinking about humanity and the weird little things we do. Like, making inspiration walls or Pinterest boards, just to visualize the things we usually keep in our heads. This is a cute thing. Dreamers are cute.

11:01 PM ~

Thinking about tomorrow. Not sure what we’re doing tomorrow. My heart beats funny because of my anxiety. Wondering why my brain likes to make my heart beat faster for no reason. That’s silly. Stop that.

11:03 PM ~

Been thinking about the things I say to people. I’m thinking about what was running through my mind as I washed my hair just earlier. About how I wanted to apologize for all the awkward and annoying things I say to people. Wondering why I feel like I’m so awkward and annoying. Is it because of the things I do or the way I perceive them? I wish insecurity wasn’t my default emotion.

11:05 PM ~

Thinking about time and how it just keeps ticking slowly and doesn’t seem like it’s ever going to end except I bet one day it probably will. I bet in Heaven we won’t have clocks. That would be pleasant.

11:07 PM ~

Thinking about all the people who are sad right now who I can’t make feel better. I hope they feel better tomorrow.

11:08 PM ~

I had a thought about waffles. I don’t like waffles that much, but I was thinking about a waffle with strawberries on top — eating it and looking out the window as so many strangers shuffle by and I sip some coffee and I try to get back to work.

11:09 PM ~

Thinking about I can’t wait to live on my own. Silent adventures and dozens and dozens of filled pages and I’ll live in a city somewhere and string up fairy lights just because.

11:10 PM ~

Wondering how I’ll do my makeup tomorrow. Wondering about what Paris is like and if I should get back to learning French so I could fit in over there one day.

11:12 PM ~

I just heard a noise and half-wondered if it was a ghost or maybe a demon.

11:14 PM ~

Just got an email notification… And now I’m wondering if I should get a cup of tea or something after this. Or maybe not.

11:15 PM ~

Looking over at the two new dresses I got. Thinking about when I’m going to wear them. Just remembered I bought a NASA hat and it’s coming in the mail and I’m excited for that.

11:17 PM ~

Wondering how quickly other people run through thoughts. Noticing mine are about 1-3 minutes long. But, of course, they have to be faster than that. Because I’m writing mine down. I won’t try to estimate anything though. I’m terrible at that.

11:18 PM ~

Trying to decide if I want to watch Adventure Time or the Office.

11:19 PM ~

Thinking it’s funny how brains are always so busy thinking all these busy little thoughts about what we’re going to do next. I wonder if I’m too focused on what is next and what’s going to happen and how things will be in the future and if they’re going to be like the past or totally different. I have no chill about things like that. I realize how fueled I am by thoughts and fear of the future. There’s some kind of bible verse about that.

11:24 PM ~

Here’s the one I was thinking of…

“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Luke 12:22-26

11:26 PM ~

This one too..

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

11:28 PM ~

And just for good measure…

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Let’s Share ~ A ramble

When I was little I had this video game. It was the kind you plugged into the back of your huge, chunky cube of a T.V. — red, yellow, and white chords all in a row. It was a fashion designing game. I used to spend hours just sitting there, planning out my next fashion show in New York or Paris or London, matching shoes and belts, flipping through pattern options, getting a little tired of the repetitive soundtrack. Oh, I adored it.

And I remember vividly the day when my little sister played my game without asking me. And how I was told to share and how that felt like everything I held dear was being pried away from me. I’d decided right then and there that that game was forever ruined. I would no longer be able to obtain a single drop of joy from that fashion designing video game after this moment of utter betrayal.

Of course, that wasn’t true. And I (kind of) eventually got over it. But the specific feeling I felt that day is one that has made many reappearances in my life since.

 

I remember how much I wanted to be my own person back then, to find something that was just for me. I wanted to learn piano until I noticed my older brother was better at it than me, without even trying. I wanted to draw until my siblings’ skills surpassed my own. If I’m honest, I still kinda hate it when I happen to watch a Dodie Clark or Tessa Violet video and their ukulele and singing talents and fashion senses are so much like what I’ve been trying to work towards for the past couple of years that I feel like what’s the point of even pursuing these little fun things at all anymore if someone else is just going to do it too and be so much better at it than me?

 

And I have a handful of aesthetically pleasing boards on Pinterest of things I remind myself I am, inside. And I try to write nice things on my Twitter to remind myself of who I’m trying my very best to be. And my Instagram tries to be a mood board of all the things in life I still have to be grateful for. I try to paint my presence with gratitude and Christ-joy — but if I’m honest? It still gets to me.

 

It still gets to me how I can spend all morning getting ready and still feel nothing like how I want to feel. And then I can go on YouTube and watch a video about some random girl who looks absolutely beautiful without makeup and who looks even more amazing when she puts it on and who goes outside and actually lives life and does things with friends who are just as beautiful and just as interesting as she is.

It bugs me that I can spend years drafting a novel, carefully writing and rewriting it, then go online and read a fan fiction some random person “whipped together” and realize that their short story about John Watson X Jam has a better plot line and more convincing dialogue than my story could ever dream to have.

It just irritates me that I have so much life and creativity and ideas in my heart, but that a million other people on the planet do too and they’re better at expressing it than I am and they’ve already said everything that needs to be said. What’s the point of anything if there’s nothing uniquely and specifically and especially mine?

 

 

And I just want to yank my controller from my little sister’s hand and yell, with bitter tears streaming down my face, “You can’t have it because it’s special and it’s mine and it’s a one-player game anyway!”

I’m shaking my head and laughing at myself right now. And even more so when I admit to myself that I still harbor just a hint of a grudge about that stupid video game.

 

 

Because, you know what? Nothing’s mine.

When Great Star-Breather sang the universe into existence, he didn’t say “And this corner of creation belongs only to my special daughter Brookie-Lizzy and she owns the very concept of it and it is completely original and trademarked and hers so — STEP BACK!!”

Naw. He gave us all dominion over earth. (Genesis 1: 28) He filled it with all the little things our bodies and souls needed. We needed a place to stretch our brand new baby toesies. We needed air to fill our lungs so that we could raise our wild shouts of pain and joy. We needed cats to climb up on our bellies in the middle of the night, with their eery glowing eyes and their rumbling, soothing purrs. We needed salty water to rush over our feet and rinse off all the sand. We needed a sunset after a long day. We needed rain to cascade over the all the land and to make things grow and grow and grow. We needed stupid fashion designer games to play until the soundtrack makes our stomachs sick.

There are millions and millions of us little stars, scattered across this tiny universe of ours. If you happen to be very similar to me, it is because we are both stars. And we belong to each other. And I just think we need to stop trying not to be stars anymore because it is good that we are stars and that God has created us and that we can be His.

 

We’re in this together, whether we like it or not. And you are 100% given permission to be better than me at anything and everything I do because we are on the same team ~ go humans! ~ and this is not a race and it’s not a competition and I’m just going to slow down and do the things that make me feel like one of the millions of millions of all these (flawed) beautiful stars.

Oh, and can’t we share? Can’t we just share this crazy experience together without trying to sabotage each other just so we can own something that was never actually own-able in the first place??

You can’t trademark the way the wind sounds as it pushes through the trees. You can’t can’t trademark the way you feel when you strum your (out of tune) ukulele and sing (out of key), but it doesn’t matter because it’s real and it’s from the heart and you mean it. You can’t trademark that one wild piece of hair that hangs down in front of your face and won’t stay put no matter how hard you try. So can’t we share? Can’t we just love on each other and appreciate each other and uplift each other? Can’t we just share?

 

Because in the end, all we can be is what we already are — a crazy, messy constellation. But isn’t it a little bit amazing? Isn’t it kind of crazy and amazing just to be here? That things like music and art and redemption exist?

 

 

And you know what? This is my mini love letter to all of you:

I’m here for you. I’m in this with you. I think you are absolutely beautiful and wonderful and His. I would let you play my fashion designer video game if I still had it. We are a crazy, messy constellation that belongs to the Star Breather and we get to be stars and we get to be loved by Him. And that is enough.

 

And I will share.

 

Love you all so very much.

— Brooke

 

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“Now this is what the Lord says—
the One who created you, Jacob,
and the One who formed you, Israel—
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name; you are Mine.”

Isaiah 43:1

~

“I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34–35

A happy little ramble…

Hello, hello, hello!
I didn’t post last week, eep! But also lots of stuff has been happening and my life is very weird and so I’m sure you don’t mind.
SO GUESS WHAT? I’M DONE WITH FINALS. AND MY GPA WENT UP THIS SEMESTER. AND I AM NOW OFFICIALLY ON SUMMER BREAK!!! So yeah, pretty exciting stuff. This week has been sort of weird and sunny and wonderful. I think God was kinda reminding me that I really don’t need much to be content. I just need Him. And He is such a God of little abundant blessings all over the place. And even when life is crazy and sad and terrifyng, it is still sort of beautiful and breathtaking. God is good, y’all. This is just going to be a quick blog post today, friends. I just felt like doing a happy little ramble today and getting some things off my mind and heart.
I’m going into my last year of my Associates degree after this summer. And then what? I have absolutely no clue. I want to start working on an English degree after that, but I haven’t felt at all certain about where I’m going to do that. I step in one direction, thinking it’s right and then I turn my head and see a far more sensible and interesting option over my shoulder. I start making plans for that option and then I see something else, and so on and so on and so on. I’m not a very good decision maker.
On top of that, I’m being called into adulthood. This has, disturbingly, been happening for awhile now. And the call is now very loud. Very loud.
I’m… I’m not ready. I am not in the least bit ready. I can only ever imagine an alternate version of me doing things like getting a job and driving a car and having my own place and traveling all by myself. And those dreams about alternate me are some of the loveliest ones I have. I cherish them and hold them close to my heart. I guess what I never fully anticipated was that I actually am becoming that alternate me. I’m being called to do these things. To do them all on my own. Teenage-hood is waving its weary-old, tired-old hand at me and saying goodbye. I have one last year before I enter my twenties and I have no clue in the world what I’m getting myself into.
But something tells me it’s going to be a grand adventure. One stuffed with little miracles and mercies. One with grace renewed every day. One with fairy lights above my head and flowers ever present on my table and a dear yellow tea kettle on my stove. And exactly one cat.
And I guess I’m not so mad about that. It will come and I will let it come.
For now? I’m enjoying the little things. I’m getting my fill of all the things I’m going to have to say goodbye to one day. It really is probably going to be a while before I actual fly away, so maybe I’m being a little over sentimental here (probably — nothing new there), but I know nothing but love lasts very long and so I’m going to soak it in and let it move my heart and make me cry little happy tears.
Because it’s summer and summer is for sunshine and happy little tears.
I guess that’s it for now, friend. Tune in next week for more happy tears and sunny smiles.
Love ya!

Snapshots

I took a step outside. Breathed in the scent of the spring-visited woods. And I just kind of knew deep inside that life would work itself out.

~

I made myself an extra cup of coffee, on a day where I felt out of touch. Couldn’t remember what I was doing for three seconds together that day. The coffee didn’t really help that much, but, if only a little bit, it got me by.

~

I slept in too late and lunch and breakfast were one and the same. Everything was late that day. Somehow, through all of that, I felt a profound sense of acceptance. I’m allowed to make mistakes. I’m allowed to be okay.

~

That day, the greening country road was as pretty as the idea of getting home, slipping off my boots, and making myself a cup of tea. Maybe even a little prettier.

~

There have been days that I didn’t get dressed until three in the afternoon, but somehow doing it anyway reminds me that I’m still fighting. Even if it takes me a while, sometimes, to pick up my sword.

~

Thunder late at night. I forgot what thunder sounded like until lightning reminded me of the concept. Loud, as though it was in my head and not just outside my window. Reminders of childlike fears when you can’t go to sleep because you’re afraid of what you don’t understand; of what’s hidden when the lightning leaves.

~

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~

There are gentle raindrops on the car window and that always makes me think. Everyone is blessedly quiet and the rainfall builds until water is cascading down and everyone is just blessedly quiet and that always makes me think.

~

A little bow in my hair became all the whimsy I needed to get by.

~

Late, late at night, when your half of the world is dreadfully quiet, and there seems to be nobody… Well, there’s one person I can always whisper my little worries and ideas and God-dreams to. And get a whisper back, when I finally pause for breath.

~

A story in my pocket. A story I’ve been working on for months. A new story. I have fresh dreams and fresh plans and a fresh hope to keep anything from going stale. It’s good to keep stories in your pockets.

~

People buy flowers sometimes and it’s so odd, but somehow so necessary to get by.

~

The day when I sat and laughed until my bones ached and kept laughing still just because it felt so good to be alive and I didn’t think I ever wanted to stop. I was laughing over absolutely nothing.

Book Review: “Fairytale: The Novel”

Good morning, friends!

Recently, I got to be involved in the twitter read-along for Hope Pennington’s “Fairytale: The Novel.” I was super excited to be a part of this because I’ve been following Hope Pennington for some time now and have really enjoyed the content she makes. Joining the read-along seemed like a no-brainer because I never got around to reading her book and I was so excited to see what it was all about!

Of course, maybe I should have thought about how little time I would have this month before I decided to do this, haha! I ended up not being able to participate as much as I wanted to! But nevertheless, I loved the book, and I’m super excited to get to be a part of it’s blog tour!
So without further rambling, here is my spoiler-free review of “Fairytale: The Novel.”
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Hope Pennington is a homeschool graduate, a YouTuber, an author, and an overall encouraging, lovely person. I first stumbled across her Instagram and fell in love with her posts and the way she was inspiring people to embrace their geeky side. I then decided to look into her YouTube as well. Hope posts videos on a lot of topics, but pretty much all of them have a tone of encouragement and I love that so much. Her mantra is “we are epic heroes” and I think that’s so awesome.
So, of course, after falling in love with Hope’s Instagram, YouTube, and overall personality, I would have to read her book. When this book tour and read-along came along, I had my opportunity! And, overall, I’m glad I got to read it.

The story is about an average teenage boy name Sean who is sucked into a cliche fantasy world and forced to be involved in your typical fairytale plot line. What he finds is that his ability to predict the storyline is just what he needs to help save their world from destruction.



~ What I liked ~

Here’s what I liked most: The voice. Some could interpret this book as cheesy, but I think the author was well aware of that and used it to the story’s advantage. The book plays around with all the cheesy fantasy themes that we’re all acquainted by now and the outcome is pretty hilarious. Our main character, Sean, is the voice of reason in all of this. His sarcasm and sense of humor contrasted with the average fairytale storyline is perfect. The author somehow manages to take two cliches, the “sarcastic teenage boy” cliche and every fairytale character you grew up with, and come up with a very interesting and humorous balance.
I think overall, the characters were very strong. And despite most of them being cliches, they were original and unique in their own ways and managed to win my favor. I also really loved Steve. Steve is great.

The story itself was very fun and I think Hope has a great writing style and an awesome sense of humor. I’m really interested to see what else she’ll write!

~ What I did not like ~

I always hate to say anything negative when I enjoyed the book overall, but I did actually have a hard time with some of the book. A lot of it was that I was very busy and did not have the time to give it my full attention, but I do think some of it was the writing itself. The book at times very much had the feel of a first-time novel. And while it was very good and I enjoyed it very much, I felt that the author is still developing her voice.

There were some parts that I found a bit confusing, some plot points that I didn’t get. There were moments when I felt it was dragging on or that it wasn’t cohesive enough, but it was little enough for me to ignore.

~

I will also say two other things, just for the sake of the accuracy of this review.
First is that I have not, as of writing this review, completely finished this book. The ending could be a total wreck or totally amazing for all I know. And that’s entirely due to me being busy with finals and I apologize for that.

The second thing is that the review copy that I received was not the final copy of the book. I noticed some editing mistakes here or there as well as some distracting editing notes and so that affected my overall perception of the story to a small degree. (Hence, perhaps, the perception that it is feels like a very “first time” sort of novel.) I don’t know how much of that (I assume, all of it) was edited out of the final copy and so I’m recommending you take the negative part of my review with a grain of salt this go around.

I will actually be purchasing the final copy soon, but I don’t think I’ll be updating this review. So you’re on you’re own for this one, buddy.

 

~ Would I recommend it? ~

I would! Not only to support an epic creator, but to enjoy an awesome story. If the idea of this satiric story struck your fancy, absolutely go for it!
And check out Hope’s other stuff too, while you’re at it! She has an epic social media presence and her YouTube is so lovely.

 

~ Rating ~

My scale, for reference, is…

One Star: I hated it
Two Stars: I didn’t like it
Three Stars: I liked it, but I probably won’t read it again
Four Stars: I really liked it and I might read it again
Five Stars: I loved it and it is my precious and I will read it again every fortnight and probably buy all of the available merch.
…I’m giving this 3 and a half stars. I liked it, and I’m super interested in reading whatever Hope writes next!

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Thanks so much for reading, friends!

And a special thanks to Priya Prithviraj at Writerly Yours for being so lovely and so patient with me!!

I hope you have a lovely Friday, beautiful readers. Tune in next week for more finals week related existential crises! Or maybe I’ll write about cats, who knows?

Both? Both is good.

Bye!



More information on Hope Pennington…

 

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Bio: Hope Pennington is a homeschooled graduate living in Kerrville Texas, author of the young adult novel Fairytale and creator of The Epic Place YouTube channel where she encourages geeks, nerds and fan girls to always remember that #WeAreEpicHeroes every single day of our lives. Coffee is her spirit animal and if she had it her way she’d be living on the TARDIS from Doctor Who going on endless time travel adventures.

 

 



Twitter // Instagram // Tumblr // Blog // YouTube



 

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In which I am a very busy college student, but am still sending out all the gentle fairy vibes I can manage…

Good day, ladies and lads or whoever the heck reads these things! *waves awkwardly*
Quick notice: Next week I’m going to be reviewing Hope Pennington’s book “Fairytale: The Novel” as a part of a ~blog tour~ so just like, get super pumped about it and make sure to tune in then!! I was actually scheduled to post it this week, but because of my exams, I’ve had to push it down. Really hoping it will work out next week and I won’t have to wait until the week after. So busy, eep! Sorry blog tour friends!
Please do check out Hope Pennington’s stuff in the meantime though (Twitter // Instagram // Tumblr). She is pretty epic!

So… I don’t have much of a plan for today’s post because, like I said, I’ve been super busy trying to keep up with finals preparations. Essays and studying and trying not to cry! Yay! But all is well. And I will make it through as always and then I will have a glorious summer break.
So, today I’m just going to write a list of things I’ve learned this week and throw in some of my recent photography and sincerely hope you enjoy it!
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  1. I am literally an adult now.
Does this mean I’m throwing out my flower crowns and buying a business lady suit on Amazon? Heck no! I’m still going to watch cartoons and sing Disney songs and be better at holding a conversation with a five year old than with someone my age. That’s just my deal.
No, it just means I’m a little different inside and I’ve come to accept that recently. I’ve got to start taking things more seriously. I’ve got to put away some of those obsessive daydreams and start investing in right now a little more.
Not to say I don’t believe in my dreams anymore. That is my advantage over the usual sort of adultlings, actually. I keenly believe in miracles and rising up from the ashes and living a crazy, meaningful, beautiful life without sacrificing my passions and dreams. Unrealistic does not mean impossible and I will stand by that.
So, yeah. I’m still a reckless dreamer, but I just know I’ve got to start taking some of my dreams more seriously and start seriously praying over them, knowing and trusting that God can make anything happen. I’m a dreamer, but like, a serious dreamer.
~
  1. Patience is a very good thing.
I’m the kind of person that groans internally just a bit when I hear the word patience. Because yeah, I get that waiting is important, but why does it have to take so dang long?
Or at least, I used to be like that. Recently my eyes have been opened to just how beautiful patience is. It’s still hard, yeah… but it’s sort of amazing too.
Patience is faith in action. Patience is a little pink bud, happy to bask in the sun and dance in the rain, knowing deep inside that one day she will bloom. I just want to bask in the sun and dance in the rain, knowing and trusting one day I will bloom.
And it’s so weird, because now that I understand that, I want the waiting to last a little longer. I want to savor it and I think I’ll be sad when it ends. It’s almost as if God has matured my heart ever so slightly. I see that responsibility is beautiful. Purity — of mind, body, and heart — is even more precious than I could have ever imagined. Quiet trust is a tear-worthy wonder.
I want to put away my anxious daydreams. I want to throw out all of my silly schemes and plans. I want to stop worrying that my dreams will never come true and instead, I just want to deeply know— just remember that God’s dreams are better and bigger and brighter and more beautiful than mine. This isn’t in my hands. It never has been.
And you know what? There are so many quiet, beautiful things in the now and I just want to soak them in while I’m waiting. I’m a little pink bud, enjoying the sound of rain and the warmth of the sun; happy just in having faith that one day I will bloom.
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  1. I’ll never be a bodybuilder.
I hate exercising too often to actually ever build muscle. I think I need to just start focusing on being healthy and not on my weight/general overall squishiness. Because sometimes exercising is so great and I just need to let that happen and stop stressing myself out.
Yeah.
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  1. It is good to be gentle with yourself.
Are you an anxious blob like me? Do you criticize yourself for stupid things like the way you talk/walk/breathe?
Well chill it, man!
Listen. You are a valid person. You can just exist. You can just breathe and walk and talk and eat and create and exist. Be gentle with yourself, okay? You’ll find that when you are, life isn’t as scary, responsibilities aren’t as scary, social expectations aren’t as scary. Why? Because you’re not basing your worth on those things.
You’ll always be so much more than that, okay?
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  1. Sometimes it’s okay to just watch cartoons and eat cereal and chill out.
Sometimes you just have to embrace the chill. Just be a kid for a while, eat your Froot Loops, and chill.
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  1. Umm… that’s it?
It’s only been a week, yeesh.
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Haha, hope you enjoyed that little post! Hopefully next week a be a little less busy and a little more coherent.
Have a great week, lovely friends!

“God, I’m not trying to rule the roost. I don’t want to be king of the mountain. I haven’t meddled where I have no business or fantasized grandiose plans. I’ve kept my feet on the ground, I’ve cultivated a quiet heart. Like a baby in its mother’s arms, my soul is a baby content. Wait Israel, for God. Wait with hope. Hope now; hope always!”
 
Psalm 131:1-3 (Message Bible)